Salmon Day

And once again I’m on the verge of the greatest adventure of my life… I’ m once again jobless… and I’m to search for a new career.

The feeling comes closest to what I once felt when I failed (well almost…) Strength of Materials. I was not expecting that my instructor will have the nerve of failing any of us… but by the end of the sem. He needed sacrificial lambs, at dahil sa mababa ang grade ko nun, ayun ako ang isa sa mga maswerteng student number na nakasulat sa memo sa bulletin board ng Civil Engineering Department. Ang laboooo! I mean ang dala-dalang ng lectures, isang lecture bawat isang problem, i-take mong tama ang lecture mo, ang pagdating ng exam mapapatunayan mong mali! Minsan pa nga nagdala sya ng isang napakagandang babae sa classroom. Binigyan nya kami ng “challenging” na tanong, nakasulat sa board ang question at ang mga diagram… wow the diagrams! They were elaborately drawn by one of my classmates. While he and the girl were having the tutorial. After an hour, dahil sa akala ko e magaling ako, nagpasa ako ng sagot. Just to hear that …

“Hindi nyo masasagot yan…! Topic natin yan next meeting…”

So yun nga… hindi naman masasabi na nagpabaya ako… I prepared board works to augment my failing grades, but I was not the only one who was failing. My friends (well we were five of the closest buddies) were failing as well. There were lot of us failing we looked like hail storms.

So yun, the board works… yung mga board works na prepared ko e, pinamimigay ko, tumatama naman, given that fact, I’ m confident that I will somehow pass the required exams… tumatama diba yung board works?!! I even had the guts to give other some of my classmates tutorials!

So the unexpected happened, the make and break final exam… I FAILED! Why??? Because I missed a detail (wow! history sure repeats it self!).

I tried to ask, and appeal to my instructor’s good side, but it seems that I’m not capable of convincing him… and it seems that it was more easier and practical to fail me than giving me another shot. So there he failed me… (history! really repeats it self).

My ego was scratched, soiled and was in pieces. I thought of a fine mitigation plan… good thing, I said to myself it was summer. I can withhold my grades being passed to DOST for 2 full months, borrow good sum of money, get that freaking subject retaken the whole summer and then pass a treated grade by June…! I will not lose my scholarship only incurring a Php 2000 debt. Ayun ang plano, may lusot! Maisasalba ang kinabukasan at sabi ko sa sarili ko…

“I’m better than this…”

At sya rin nga talaga ang gusto kong maging instructor ulit…

So there I was, about to enroll for summer class, nasalubong ko ang friend ko na girl na medyo close sa said instructor. Sinabi ko sa kanya ang balita.

“Mag su-summer ako!”
“Bakit? Advance?”
“Hindi…! Kasi ibinagsak ako ni ___________”
“ANO!”

I don’t know exactly what have happened… or what was the agreement between my friend and that instructor, kase… hindi na ako bagsak. LFE na, or Lack of Final Exam, nabigyan ako ng chance for another examination! I studied like mad for two weeks for that! At lahat ng problems sa Helical Springs sa Besavilla Reviewer na review ko! Pati yung mga mali sa lecture ng Helical Springs namin naitama ko rin. So in other words nagging tres ang grade ko sa Strength.

What ate me back then was the fact that I appealed to my instructor as a needy student, because I was a needy student. He turned me down, without even a second thought. Kung wala din akong mauutangan nung kailangang-kailangan ko, on those crucial moments… malamang Swerte na maging City Service ako…

Pero nung pinakiusapan sya ng mala-diyosa kong kaibigan, ang mabagsik na halimaw ay umamo at iniluwa ako.

“Life is not fair”

Tama nga si Bill Gates.

But there was a lesson for review with what have happened. If I have given my heart and soul for every task I had, chances are it could have been better… If I have realized sooner that my eyes should have looked for details and saw underneath the underneath (wow! naruto! ) It could have been better.

I mean the team can’t stop and wait for me right…

Because we were always busy… the team can’t stop for me who was sooooo left behind. I just have to sprint faster to catch up… in the end… I just once again failed.

I can’t blame anyone if I don’t know something, and I can’t blame anyone if I have understood wrong too. And it boils down to the fact that I should I have not fought the urge to ask questions, even though my conscience says that “they are busy, please try to handle it yourself…”

Well being jobless pays off these past few days, I have lots of free time to once again review electronics, and even more time to watch anime favorites… every Tuesday I can watch Season 4 of Smallville, and just recently I have bought lots of Pugad Baboy to almost complete my once famed collection.

~~ hohummmm~

I guess it will be much much more better if I have with the kind of fulfillment after having to work for them for seven years… it will feel like graduation with your officemates handing you a signed dedication, wishing you all the luck for a new waiting career… but no, I have to leave when I don’t feel like to because… -hah- I was not good enough…

Ngayon, I almost convinced myself that…

“I am not a lesser person”

I know I am capable, willing to learn and all of that… but there was just one problem…
I did not do well enough…

And so on my voyage to find a new career, I know I don’t have to burn bridges because its just not my style, and I hope there were no hurt feelings. Though my ego was bruised, he is coming along gracefully… and once I land to another career, I’ll be whole again… and I will give it more soul, I will give it more of me…

I wonder how my former team mates find me, how will they remember me…

~~ hah~ One is for sure… can’t stay jobless for too long…

Heads up! We are going to our next adventure!

Wooou!