Self Disappointment

Its been quite a while nung huli akong magsulat… medyo busy kasi sa trabaho at sa personal na buhay at hindi makahanap ng oras para magcompose.

Nagkaron ng konting re-organization sa office. Well medyo malaki sya actually. Minsan dito mo maidadaing na ang mga tao, eh minsan sala sa init, sala sa lamig. I’m guilty of it this time.

In this recent events, nagkaron ng mas maraming task ang grupo well basically because merong mga tao na nawala either nalipat ng department or nagresign to seek greener pastures. Kung tutuusin naman kahit san kang company nangyayari ang phenomenon na ito. As a whole we call it “brain drain”. Madami ang umaalis – hindi sa dahil disgusted sila sa pinapasukan nila, but because they need and want to prove theirselves, and besides may company ba na kayang tapatan na bayaran ka ng 100K+ per month for the same task you will be performing here? You can’t possibly beat that. So from how I see it, with Philippines like this and all. Brain Drain is somehow you view as inevitable. Now me being a part of it as well? Malayo pa siguro yun but as much as possible ayokong lumabas, pero hindi ko masasabi.. di ko naman alam what the next few years will bring me.

Well san yung self disappointment part? Oh well… I just made some reflection from where I stand. It is almost three years that I have been working. From being a teacher, the Junior Software Engr. to my career doing now. Status wise, ultimately… there’s no difference. I am still the same person living by the pay check, but of course I have a better gig now than I have before and I can see from here I can do more. Dumadating lang siguro yung part na naiinip ka… you want it to fast forward.

Pero siempre hindi puede… you enjoy the ride or despise it.
I rather enjoy it of course.

In a way… there are also some self issues I am not proud of. Like when was the last time na nagsimba ako? Ang tagal na… siguro dahil sa patong patong na guilt over being busy over being lazy… time out… from being a person na weekly ay nasa church at active pa sa event ng church organizations to being a spiritual bum? That can’t be good.

In the same perspective, I am trying to realize what I would like to come up with my life… ano ba ang gusto kong buuin… siguro kasama din ako sa ilang mga batang napamulatan na dapat mag aral para makahanap ng trabaho. Hindi para ultimately makabuo that I would be proud of my self. Realizing that I guess that sets further perspective. No longer looking on the horizon, but looking up in the stars.

What can be possibly up there?
Full of curiosity, but still figuring out how to proceed.